The Gray Area
by The Dark Knight's Revenge
Summary: Kirk is faced with another suicide mission to rescue the ship and its crew, but this time Spock has something to say about his Captain's heroic streak. When the mission goes wrong, will Kirk tread the gray area to mend the bond between him and his first mate? Or will they part ways forever?


The mission wasn't going well.

The bridge was silent, the faces of the crew looking more and more strained by the hour. Lack of sleep was looming over them all, threatening their abilities.

They had been trapped in a tractor beam above a hostile planet for six hours. A swarm of enemy ships were surrounding the Enterprise, but had so far made no contact for better or worse.

Their warp core had overheated unexpectedly on their way back to Earth from Galaxis 37-1, dropping them out of warp right in front of a Thrazxan patrol. Granted, the patrol was way out of its territory, but that didn't stop the Thrazx.

They were sitting ducks in this beam, Kirk knew, but he was fresh out of ideas. The crew was depending on him for a brilliant epiphany right about now, judging by how they would sneak glances at him when they thought he wasn't looking. The strain of just sitting there, waiting for something to happen, was exhausting mentally and physically.

"Everyone. You are relieved of duty temporarily. Get some rest." He said at last, his voice startling everyone in the room.

"With all due respect-" Sulu began to protest.

"That's an order." Kirk said tiredly, standing up. "Mr. Sonquar, you have the con." He said to a blue-skinned alien that was taking over for Sulu.

"Alert me if the situation changes. Bridge crew, I want you back for Alpha shift." He finished. The current bridge crew got up and filed out, and Jim followed them.

The atmosphere in the lift was tense. Kirk could feel the crew's mental questions hitting him like darts.

"I'll think of something." He said for lack of a more inspiring phrase. No one replied, but he knew that give them some peace. Even Uhura's frown eased slightly. Kirk wondered how many of them would actually get some sleep before Alpha shift.

He let the rest of the exhausted crew exit the lift before him and shuffled down to the Captain's quarters.

Spock was waiting for him at the door.

"Captain..." He said. Jim met the Vulcan's gaze with a tired glance.

"Spock... Can this wait?"

"On the contrary Captain, both you and I know that you will not get any rest before Alpha shift... Therefore, I do not see any reason for waiting." Spock said calmly.

Kirk silently hit the door panel and went into his quarters. Spock followed, hovering near the door. Kirk, familiar to Spock's mannerisms now, went to go pour himself a drink then sat down. Spock drifted over, preferring to stand.

"Captain." Spock said, watching as Kirk downed his glass in one gulp and poured another. "Are you feeling alright?"

Kirk looked at his first mate, confused.

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because you are showing signs of considerable emotional and physical strain unusual for your personality and the situation at hand. I can only deduce that something is on your mind."

Kirk frowned and threw back his second glass.

"And the fact that you are consuming copious amounts of alcohol merely confirms my suspicions." Spock continued.

"Spock..."

"Moreover, you have been brushing away any attempts made by the crew to ease your suffering, which must mean-"

"Spock."

"-That you are contemplating a dangerous situation, most likely where you are taking a great risk, which I assure you-"

"Spock, I'm out of ideas."

"-Is not necessary. The odds of the Klingons findi- I beg your pardon, Captain?" Spock cut himself off mid-monologue.

"I said, I'm out of ideas. I haven't any clue how to get out of this alive." Kirk knocked back his third drink.

If his statement affected Spock, the Vulcan didn't show it on his face. The two men were silent for a moment.

"Perhaps the best thing to do is wait." Spock said.

"That's my only option." Kirk replied, offering the bottle of alcohol.

To his surprise, Spock got himself a glass and took the bottle.

"I didn't know you drank." Kirk said.

"I usually choose not to partake in human alcohol, due to its quick effect on my system. But I will join you... In moderation, of course." Spock replied.

"Do you have to use smart phrases for everything you say? Because I think you just used a whole lot of words to say that you just want one drink..." Kirk said.

"On the contrary, Captain, I-..." Spock stopped midsentence.

"What?" Kirk asked.

"Excuse me. I want a drink." Spock said. Coming from the usually eloquent Vulcan, it sounded like utter slang.

"Be my guest." Kirk said, mildly surprised.

Spock poured himself a half glass of the strong spirits and after a moment's hesitation, swallowed it in one gulp. Kirk watched with wide eyes as the Vulcan poured himself a second and threw that back too.

"Are you sure that you're not the one with something on your mind, Spock?" Kirk asked tentatively.

"Why would you ask that, Captain?" Spock said, wiping his mouth.

"As you put it before... You're consuming copious amounts of alcohol. That isn't like you, Spock."

"Captain, I-..." Spock cut himself off for the second time.

"Spock, what's wrong?" Kirk said, suddenly slightly afraid. If Spock was drinking and second-guessing himself, there had to be something serious going on.

The Vulcan didn't reply immediately, just nursed his empty glass while he thought. The Alcohol must have been impeding his thought process, because Spock stayed silent for a long time.

"Captain, do you think we are... friends?" Spock said, choosing his words carefully. Kirk started. Whatever he was expecting his first mate to say, it wasn't that.

"Yes, Spock. I think we've saved each other's lives enough to be considered friends."

"Does that mean you consider me your friend?"

"Yes."

There was another silence, and Kirk poured himself a fourth drink.

"I think i'll beam down to the surface and dismantle the tractor beam." Kirk said.

"Captain, do you realize how dangerous that is? Why put yourself at risk? Why take the chance of-"

"Spock, are you getting insecure on me?" Kirk asked jokingly.

"Perhaps insecure is not the right word for it, Captain. I would say more of..." He trailed off, trying to think of word. Kirk almost laughed at the absurdity. Spock lost for words...

The Vulcan held out his glass for a refill, but Kirk took the bottle.

"I think you've had enough. Don't want you to be hungover later." Kirk said, getting up and putting the bottle away.

"Captain, I..." Spock started.

"For god's sake, Spock. Finish a damn sentence." Kirk laughed.

"Let me go with you to the surface. At the least." Spock replied, avoiding eye contact.

"No, Spock. I can't risk your life."

"My life is already in danger while stuck on the ship. I don't think my joining your away team will have any effect on my safety."

"There's where you're wrong, Spock." Kirk sighed. "I don't want to be responsible for your life."

"Then let me be responsible for yours!" Spock yelled, suddenly on his feet. Kirk jumped, spilling his drink down his uniform.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I-" Spock cut himself off once again, then turned on his heel and left, the door whooshing shut behind him.

Kirk mopped up his spilled drink, then scratched his head, sending a confused glance at the door. Now that he thought about it, Spock had been acting oddly the last few days. Kirk had equated it with tensions between him and Uhura, but now...

Spock's outburst had him not only stunned but completely confused. The Vulcan wanted to be responsible for him? That didn't make sense.

The alcohol began to tug as his exhausted brain, and Kirk peeled off his stained shirt before throwing himself on the bed, asleep in an instant.

Across the hall, Spock did not share the same luck. He paced his quarters, equally surprised with his outburst. It must have been a trick of the human liquor that made him lose his temper, but the Captain's attitude towards self-sacrifice just... Bothered him.

Finally, unable to reason himself out of his unfamiliar human feelings, Spock laid down to rest too, though he did not sleep for a very long time.


End file.
